If you’re feeling unheard, you’ll get louder. If you’re feeling invisible, you’ll do whatever you can to be more visible. In other words, they will become louder themselves. Many people complain to me that they just feel plain invisible in their relationships, like they’re not even considered.Īs a result, when someone doesn’t feel heard, seen or considered, they often turn the volume up in their relationship. They are the foundation for a solid relationship and marriage.īut what if you just can’t get your partner to be accessible, responsive OR engaged?
These things sound obvious but they often slip when partners find themselves feeling unloved and unwanted. When you go to each other, do you respond? Do you show you’re there, available, responsive, clearly indicating that your partner is a priority to you, or vice versa? E – Emotionally Engagedĭo you care about each other, like really, how your days went? Do you take an interest in your partner’s well being? stands for: A -AccessibleĪre you and your partner open and accessible to each other? R – Responsive When you’re feeling unloved and unwanted, you’re likely feeling that you can’t answer that question, “are you there for me,” affirmatively. They’re fighting about the question, “ARE you there for me?” What couples are fighting about when they are really in trouble with each other and feel miles apart is usually not what they think they’re fighting about, e.g., money, family issues or even parenting styles. This foundation can be remembered with the acronym “A.R.E.”Įach letter stands for key factors that must be present in your relationship for it to thrive. Sue Johnson, the creator of the most proven form of couples therapy that exists, known as Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, describes the foundation of a strong relationship with an easy to remember acronym in her best selling book for couples, Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love(which I highly recommend, and suggest to every couple who steps into my office to read).
In this post, we’ll take a different look at what may be going on underneath the surface when you’re feeling unloved and unwanted by your husband and share a new perspective.ĭr. Feeling unloved and unwanted by your husband or boyfriend is a terrible and lonely feeling that can have an impact on every area of your life.